This morning started out like any other morning and went downhill quickly. I arrived at school and got everything ready. I was well prepared for the day and somewhat mentally prepared to deal with the crap-storm of behavior problems my students were going to inflict upon the classroom today. Within the first minute after the students arrived, a student handed me a red note. This was not a student that I had written a red note for so I was very surprised. The student who was supposed to take it home had given to another student to throw away. I was very unsure of what to do so I took the paper to the sub, who was a teacher for a very long time before retiring and subbing. She told me that I should have a talk with him and make him admit what he had done and ask him if the note from the librarian, that was sent home as well, made it to his family. I took the student out in the hall and talked with him. He admitted what had happened after a few tries of denying it. I told him we would have to talk with principal about what happened.
We walked down there and, while I knew what I had to do, I was terrified. As a child, the only times I ever visited the principal’s office was when I read 500 books in the first grade and when I said the pledge in the morning once every three years or so. This was not somewhere I wanted to be under these circumstances. Never have I been in trouble in the office. We had to wait a while for the principal to get to her office. The student stood and nervous-talked the whole time about video games and other nonsense. I was definitely more nervous than he was. At least he already knew he was in trouble. I know I am not supposed to feel like I am bothering other people when I have to ask them for help but I always feel like I should be able to handle my own problems.
Here I am, standing in the principal’s doorway panicking. We stood there for about ten minutes and my heart rate just kept climbing. By the time she got back, I was ready to get sick right there on the carpet outside her office. My stomach was doing flips. She spoke with the student and handed out consequences. I felt a little better after she talked with him. I talked with the principal for a few minutes and I feel a little better. I still am a little worried that she thinks I should have handled it on my own. Everyone has told me it is fine to ask for help but I feel sick when I have to bring the problems to other people outside the room. Fortunately, the class’s behavior was very much improved today after the initial issues this morning.
I really cannot wait for my teacher to get back! I am not yet ready to do this on my own. I still need her advice and want her input. I have realized, more now than ever, how truly great she is at her job. I am so glad I have had the opportunity to work with her and I am sure that three months ago I would not have been able to make it through the week alone like this. I have learned a great deal just from being around my classroom teacher. I know the last few week of my student teaching experience are going to be fantastic but I also know they are running out quickly. I know there is so much left for me to learn and I really wish I had more time to learn it!
I started this blog by stating,“One month from now I begin a journey the will either be the springboard to a great career in teaching or a total flop that leaves me in dark about what my job is really all about. 30 days until I am almost on my own in a sea of small people constantly in need of something from me. I think I am ready. I guess we will see!”
I definitely was not ready then, I might not be ready now, but one thing is for sure this was not a total flop. Four months ago, I could never have imagined how much I would learn and how amazing my experience might be. Even with everything going wrong, I know this was the best experience I could have asked for! There was absolutely a reason I am in the classroom I am in, with the teachers I am with.